If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
