i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
