Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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