we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
