I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
