i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i now understand why vodka
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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