Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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