yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
