guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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