I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
