No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
