Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
