Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
