Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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