dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
