it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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