And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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