last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
