I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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