no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
