sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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