Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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