we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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