So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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