you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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