Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
