I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
