Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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