Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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