I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
