woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
