I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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