i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
