Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
