VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
