things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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