I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
