just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
