Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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