Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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