is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When are your genitals available?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
