I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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