The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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