No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
