At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
