what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
