hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Randomize
