you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
