Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
