I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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