we're blogging at a bar
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He felt like a one man threesome
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
