It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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