I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
