Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
