can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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