I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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