Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
