This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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