what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
