Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
