Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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