Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
