he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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