I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
