girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What a dumb baby whore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
