Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
