so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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