I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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