I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were destined to go to rehab together
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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