can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
