my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
