I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
