capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
