I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
