sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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