I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess