my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy