I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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