summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
