Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.

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  (609): I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife. http://tfl.nu/63v4
  Replies (6) Good night (575) Bad night (1133)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.

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  (405): sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss. http://tfl.nu/je9l
  Replies (13) Good night (532) Bad night (3551)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.

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  (405): I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus. http://tfl.nu/spp0
  Replies (33) Good night (638) Bad night (5532)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

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  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
  Replies (20) Good night (974) Bad night (5680)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.

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  (479): Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke. http://tfl.nu/d4y7
  Replies (7) Good night (2684) Bad night (1147)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across

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  (918): Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across http://tfl.nu/uhsj
  Replies (11) Good night (3575) Bad night (972)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  cat food counts as protein by the way

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  (709): cat food counts as protein by the way http://tfl.nu/k5gc
  Replies (13) Good night (1556) Bad night (4121)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Moment of silence for the loss of that option.

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  (843): I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues. (478): Moment of silence for the loss of that option. http://tfl.nu/jcvy
  Replies (29) Good night (1902) Bad night (7138)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".

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  (330): I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry". http://tfl.nu/b71c
  Replies (5) Good night (724) Bad night (1666)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country

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  (443): i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country http://tfl.nu/m3r6
  Replies (7) Good night (2186) Bad night (556)
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  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing

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  (445): We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing http://tfl.nu/ir7s
  Replies (6) Good night (923) Bad night (352)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  "But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!

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  (210): "But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!! http://tfl.nu/6byh
  Replies (3) Good night (1437) Bad night (358)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.

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  (859): I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation. http://tfl.nu/e71w
  Replies (1) Good night (280) Bad night (540)
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  (530): View more from California

  im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer

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  (530): im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer http://tfl.nu/8ss5
  Replies (1) Good night (229) Bad night (179)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...

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  (360): You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again... http://tfl.nu/ebe2
  Replies (3) Good night (492) Bad night (232)

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