dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
