How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
