Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
