Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
