I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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