So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My penis needs a shock collar
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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