yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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