You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
